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Sunday, March 29, 2009
wahh. its been so long i kinda forgot how to do this.
hello blog. i havent seen you in 3 months. how have you been.
"ive been dead you moron.
cus you dont post!!"
...well i guess i deserve that.
so the first terms gone by pretty fast. honestly i guess things just seem long and tideous when youre stuck smack in the middle of them but after theyre over you look back and think 'what happened to all that time'
how time flies huh.
so...what did happen with all that time.
what kinda life do i lead =(
so...school.
real late to be posting about this...but i kinda realised im already sec 4 O.o and somehow id have thought there wouldnt be that much work. i thought maybe just after sec 3 and concamp id get great motivation to sorta study harder. but that aint coming simply is it.
but just studying cant be the point of school.
i guess having another year with .15s really something to be glad about. i never thought it when i first landed up here but this honestly has been one of the best and definately the most bonded class ive been in. i feel like shaking you guys half the time you say stuff...but its thanks to you all ive had a pretty fun 1 and 1/4 years so far =)
now just gotta actually start studying. and i will after nats
...which comes to training
i really thought at the start of this year that i had no chance and all i joined canoeing for wouldve been a little experience...honestly rowing a C1 and not really even making it 10km in one training...didnt look so good =(
but well...its come so far from that. in a C2 me and andrew actually got our stroke and balance and i guess that goes a long way cus we really improved lots in the past 2 months =) and i probably have him to thank for that cus no way i couldve gotten here if he hadnt pushed despite his injury to do well...so thanks dude.
NJCC didnt go so well cus we missed 3rd by one freaking second!! but well in a week plus well get another shot at it...and we gonna go all the way.
so...sleep.
i like sleep.
sleep is good.
sleep healthy.
when rested
me happy.
i feel so poetic today =)
so in the past months ive spent lots of time focusing of life and what i could do with it. i mean who doesnt want to invest it stuff that benefits yourself...i guess almost everything i do these days i do for some reason or another...whether to make me happy or to gain something out of it.
almost everything.
"not my will, but Yours be done" You cried.
the first term of 2009 has been a real interesting and...educational one. and i can say ive had lots of fun...ive did lots, learnt lots and gained at least something out of that.
...but have i given enough..?
it sucks to admit it...but ive been so caught up with myself lately that ive had little time for other people. id spent hours brooding over my own concerns and the tasks i have to accomplish. and how they implicate me and why me why me. and when others do stuff or say things that id usually laugh at or simply ignore i get pretty fired up cus it pisses me off.
ive been real quick to judge and quick to act rashly. i havent really taken responsibility or behaved the way i should.
and maybe its the stress or the pressure or the expectations i have...but ive been a person that i wouldve looked at awhile ago and disapproved of. and im ashamed of that.
but im most ashamed for the way ive forgotten about God.
everytime i pray its about how i want God to help me and how God should lead my life. and never about others and what God wants me to see in their lives...or what God wants for others.
its never about God.
ive been searching to find something in life i could count on and work on to feel like its worth something. but i guess i already know at the end of the day its God and God alone who holds the answer...and who i should invest my time in. and i guess ive been disillusioned by the concept of making something out of life on my own...that ive forgotten that its Him i should follow. that its not about what i want or what i get...but what Hes planned for me and what i can do for Him. that it wasnt for Himself that He died on that cross...and similarly i should lay my life at His feet for how He may use it, come what may.
not me, but for Jesus.
im so sorry, Lord.
You chose the cross with every breath
The perfect life, the perfect death
You chose the cross
A crown of thorns, You wore for us
and crowned us with eternal life
You chose the cross
And though Your soul was overwhelmed with pain
Obedient to death You overcame
You loosed the cords of sinfulness
and broke the chains of my disgrace
You chose the cross
From the grave, victorious
You rose again, so glorious
You chose the cross
The sorrow that surrounded You was mine
Yet, "not my will but Your's be done", You cried
I'm lost in wonder
I'm lost in love
I'm lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus'
unfailing love
I am forgiven, I am restored
Because of Jesus
I am restored
I'm lost in wonder
I'm lost in love
I'm lost in praise forevermore
Because of Jesus'
unfailing love
I am forgiven, I am restored
Lost in Wonder (You Chose the Cross)
Keith Getty
An Evening in Prague
...okay...that aint keith getty and that song aint from that album...but it was the only one i could find on imeem.
either way, its a beautiful song...with a simple but very real message.
Because of Jesus.