I give my all to You

Monday, September 08, 2008

...and from here, you can almost see the light. or is that that oncoming train...?

term 4 week 1. just 2 and a half weeks until finals. and maybe only now its beginning to bear down on me. the fact that despite all ive done in the holidays, there just simply isnt enough time to catch up on everything i told myself id 'do later, cus theres all the time i need and more'. not that ive done much in the holidays besides go for training and play pokemon.

and i gotta stop playing pokemon. its making me antisocial. i cant believe i spent a week at home not talking to people and not even going out to buy dinner just so i could play that stupid game. what have i become.

so maybe it hasnt borne down on me completely either.

pretty fascinating how the closer the finals get, the less productive i seem to become.

they only get closer, and the work only seems to get harder. pretty daunting a task huh.

and yet somehow even though half of me, probably the more rational side, tells myself that its now or never that i pull myself together, smack myself awake and really start working...theres also the other half that feels like just dropping it and letting things go their course. not that i can change them now can i.

...can i...?

"Surrender your heart to God, turn to Him in prayer,

and give up your sins - even those you do in secret.

Then you won't be ashamed;

you will be confident and fearless.

Your troubles will go away like water beneath a bridge,

and your darkest night will be brighter than noon.

You will rest safe and secure,

filled with hope and emptied of worry."

- Job 11:13-18

its really reassuring that as cataclystic a fate that seems to await you, God will always make things better in the end.

theres a catch though.

having faith...having trust in something or someone isnt always easy. more often than not it in itself is a task. its always so easy to find excuses, to point out flaws, and to rather rely on ones on perception and strength to carry yourself through; at least its something you can control.

or something i think i can.

moresoever impossible sometimes is the issue of putting your faith in God. for me it is anyway. after all...if you find it an issue to trust another, how could you bring yourself to trust someone that, despite repeated promises, seems only an intangible observer?

...how could i not?

trusting in God isnt supposed to be easy. or maybe by rights it should be but as far as being human is concerned, being human therefore being flawed, it isnt so easy to give of myself entirely...or perhaps even a portion of myself. but maybe the loss that denying yourself seems to indicate isnt as massive in comparison to what you receive in return.

"all of yourself for all of God"

...just a meagre price to pay, isnt it?

and maybe ultimately its not the sacrifice that tanks us, but the things we seem to want to cling on to, the things we think we cant live without, that truly sucks the life out of us. and if wed only look to Him, wed realise that Hes been there all the time holding the solution in His hands...and just reaching out to us and asking us to take His hand. so what are we waiting for?

...what am i waiting for?

anyway its just a few more weeks and, for better or for worse, everything will be over. and maybe then ill have some time to look at other things ive been pushing aside.

...so tell me mister, where does this train take me...?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

september holidays. i really have abandoned this blog. monthly posts are the only thing keeping this thing alive.

maybe blogging would be much more fun if you could just think a thought and have it written down on here.

then again...that would be real dangerous wouldnt it O.o

nahh...for you. you request then only i blog...if not too lazy.

thanks for being my funky non-wussy friend. make me feel so wussy in contrast -.-

and we acs boys not wussy okayy!! just...sensitive!!

so the one week break kinda signifies only the impending doom that is the finals. which are freaking 4 weeks away.

and lets see...what have i got left to cover...?

art - the entire piece
bio - almost everything
physics- almost everything
history - everything
cmath - almost everything
ihs - everything
langarts - everything
chinese - everything

wahh. future looks pretty bleak huh.

still...i got another month. and if i mug like crazy at the end of the day i might just pull through.

...or fail miserably. but lets not look at that yet shall we.

plus training will stop after this saturday. and while im no huge fan of waking up at 6.30 on a saturday morning to row around a reservoir...or swim around it...its pretty bad timing since me and andrew have just found our strokes and balance.

fudge. when i go back in october i might just forget it all!! O.o

ahh well. no one said this studying thing was easy right. let alone this ib thing. and for the next month its do or die.

wahhh. so scary.

its been almost a week since nong left. and i was gonna post about his departure last week but well...once i got here i just didnt feel like doing it.

so yahhh. ponned school on wednesday to go see Nong off with Ben Ryan and Yap. got to T3 at like 8. sat around in a lounge. went to eat macs. and before we knew it it was time for him to go =(

i guess it never really is easy to say goodbye. there was alot we had to say Nong...but maybe not all of it we could manage at the spur of the moment. and maybe not all of it we can bring ourselves to say. but youre our friend man. and all in all, its not gonna be easy with you away.
still, youve been given an awesome chance to go overseas and sorta restart your academic career. and God knows...i could use that chance too. heh heh. told you your cupboard seemed tempting.

in faith, all we can do now is wait for your return. and we pray that God watch over you...and that in everything you do and every situation you meet he may be there to guide you and keep you safe.

Emmanuel, He is God with us. and we pray that He truly be with you. and that in your times of need you shouldnt hesitate to turn to Him, for His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses...and no problem be too insignificant or to overwheling for Him to handle.
the Lord bless you and keep you, as we wait for your return. come back soon man =) then we can have our funky stayovers again!!

to you man. well at least the chorus...the rest of it kinda doesnt make sense for the situation at hand.

but Dream Theater so cool...how can not post their songs!!

There's a story in your eyes
I can see the hurt behind your smile
For every sign I recognize
Another one escapes me

Let me know what plagues your mind
Let me be the one to know you best
Be the one to hold you up
When you feel like you're sinking

Tell me once again
What's beneath the pain you're feeling?
Don't abandon me
Or think you can't be saved

Summon up your ghosts from me
Rest your tired thoughts upon my hands
Step inside this sacred place
When all your dreams seem broken

Resonate inside this temple
Let me be the one who understands
Be the one to carry you
When you can walk no further

Tell me once again
What's below the surface bleeding
If you've lost your way
I will take you in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far
Through all the may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Oh, when everything is wrong
Oh, when hopelessness surrounds you
Oh, the sun will rise again
The tide you swim against
Will carry you back home, so don't give up
Don't give in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far
Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

I Walk Beside You
Dream Theater
Octavarium

love that key change. pretty dramatic.

haha..this is pretty ironic...but Nong, YOULL NEVER WALK ALONE.

leaving on a jetplane
dont know when ill be back again