I give my all to You

Thursday, May 29, 2008

holidays week one. i think im getting lazy.

went to watch Indiana Jones on saturday with Joseph Barn JKoh and Winston. the plot was funky. way funkier than his first 3 shows. but somehow it being an Indy movie kinda remedied all of that. and it was essentially really good.

went home, forced myself to sleep, then went for hillsongs.

got there late so the place was packed and we had to like squeeze infront. met Bryan and Junyi and lots and lots of other people. like lots. halfway through the concert Winston had this crazy idea of lifting people like high above the crowd.

i love crazy ideas. if not destructive they usually end up fun. and sometimes destructive and fun go hand in hand.

lifted me then Lawrence then Joseph then Bryan then Junyi then JKoh then Barnabas then Winston. tried to lift Ben. couldnt lift Ben. dude you gotta let us at least try.

altar call and Winston went up. im proud of you man. God will always be waiting for you if you find yourself ready to turn to Him one day.

so the Hillsong United band was great. technically, yeahhh. but it seemed like there was something more to just music. just great, perfectly orchestrated melodies. there was something to believe in that night. and maybe there wasnt a huge spiritual revelation or a revival or anything...but that faith just made that night special.

took class photos with Junyi and ex 2.7 people and then went with John for movie night.

got there and met Evan Darius Vanessa and Yanlin. I Am Legend ended. totally devastating cus it was like the movie i really wanted to watch. Will Smith is seriously cool. went to watch guitar hero. drank coffee. watched Stardust. not so exciting after you know the endings kinda anticlimatic. but still entertaining. drank more coffee. watched hairspray. found out im pretty much coffee-immune near the end of the show cus i was like still barely staying awake but my eyes couldnt open anymore. kinda freaky.

fell asleep. the ROL was dead cold. woke up at like 5 and i couldnt move my foot. at all. it was like totally non functional. kicked it and didnt feel anything.

had i been more awake, i wouldve been really freaked out.

woke up at 7 and found myself behind a curtain onstage. the stage has like real comfy carpeting. didnt really expect to get that 3 hours of sleep so was kinda grateful.

went for breakfast with Vanessa and Yanlin where i didnt eat anything. then went for FL. uncle Jimmy came for movie night but ponned CG time and so did our 3 other CGLs.

played truth or dare with Evan and Yanlin. seriously that game does destroy lives.

ehhh. what comes out in the circle stays in the circle. SERIOUSLY!!

went to Evans house after that. fell asleep on his bed. its real comfy.

training started on monday. and i dont really know why but holiday trainings seem...nicer. happier.

woke up for gym today. then did 2.4. then slept in school for like 5 hours until 2 then went for training at macritchie. then ran. then came home for home gym. 2 days a week of this stuff with normal training and gym on other days and ill get alot done this holidays.

provided i survive it.

i cant believe its already thursday of week one of the holidays. theyre slowly slowly slipping away. terrible feeling. and i still have a pile of every holiday assignment i havent done. which is everything. fudge.

why are holidays so much work.

hmm. today a song which makes me think. Bon Jovi does real well in a song that speaks of a man without God in his life.

I lost all faith in my God, in His religion too
I told the angels they could sing their songs to someone new
I lost all trust in my friends, I watched my heart turn to stone
I thought that I was left to walk this wicked world alone

Tonight I'll dust myself off
Tonight I'll suck my gut in
I'll face the night and I'll pretend
I got something to believe in

And I had lost touch with reason
I watched life criticize the truth
Been waiting for a miracle
I know you have too

Though I know I won't win
I'll take this one on the chin
We'll raise a toast and I'll pretend
I got something to believe in

If I don't believe in Jesus
How can I believe the Pope?
If I don't believe in heroin
How can I believe in dope?
If there's nothing but survival
How can I believe in sin
In a world that gives you nothing
We need something to believe in

I need something to believe in

Something to Believe In
Bon Jovi
These Days

i love how Richie goes heh heh heh heh. when he doesnt do it live its like a big portion of the songs gone.

anyway it kinda depicts a pretty dark scene. and one which parallels sermons ive heard before about a God-shaped hole in ones heart. but a different side of it. cus you can try to walk away from life and turn your back on the world. and try to push aside all your problems and fabricate something that gives you happiness and achievement. but theres always gonna be that God-shaped hole in your heart.

and really in the end all that can fill it is...yes, God. big hint in the name there.

we all need something to believe in. but ultimately, only God's love is worth putting your complete trust in. for it is something that will never disappoint.

Friday, May 23, 2008

holidays.

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

...actually its not that much of a celebration, considering that 5 days a week are comsumed with training. fishsticks.

ohh well. i just gotta stick it through and ill get alot done by the end of june.

got results back last friday. pretty thrashy. i failed like 4 subjects. and dropped like 2 points. and this time i actually tried hard to study and do well.

thanks Ben and Nong for trying to cheer me up. guess i just gotta really study for next term.

didnt wanna go home after that so i went to stay at Josephs house.

church on sunday. another one of those times when everyone leaves =(. did black magic on Vanessa. so much fun to watch her squirm.

prank called Cheng Liang. so fun to watch him sqiurm.

went to watch Drillbit Taylor on monday with Joseph and Barn. thought it would be one of those kinda thrashy slapstick shows. like Mr Woodcock. yeahhh. but it wasnt all that bad.

Owen Wilson has a funky nose.

hmmm. just a thought today.

you know how afterlife is an eternal thing. like it goes on and on. if you landed in heaven through God's grace its never-ending bliss. and for the rest of eternity youd be praising God and basking in His love.

nothing better, yes?

but if one we're to land oneself in hell...then he or she is doomed for a fate so unthinkable that even the mere notion of it scares the heck out of me. burning in sulphur. continuously. and its not like you wont feel pain; you feel every devastating ounce of it. but you cant die. youre already dead. and the molten sulphur continues to incinerate you. and each second you bear seems to be forever.

but thats actually like forever x forever. cus it doesnt end. ever. the torture just goes on and on and on and on.

for the rest of eternity youll be dying. but youll never get to die.

and thats a fate that each and every one of us rightfully deserves. for leading sinful lifes, unworthy of His holy presense.

real freaky, huh.

but God's love, unconditional and omnipresent, has redeemed us from the fate that was previously inevitable, and set in stone a destiny of hope and freedom. a chance to wipe ones slate clean. to save us from the fiery pits of hell and an eternity of agony.

and all He asks is for us to believe.

sometimes believing in God is no easy task. maybe its the thought of a universal master that people who embrace logic find so unnerving to wrap their minds around. maybe its the apparent thinness of the concept that the God our ancestors have been worshiping for over 2 millenium still stands true to this day. perhaps, even, it may be that a fate so incredibly, redemption from eternal death, seems too good to be true.

after all, by rational thinking, it seems much more feasible that God, Jehovah, and the promised paradise of Heaven is just a fabrication of man to delude himself of the notion that once he dies, thats it. kapoof. your existance fades entirely away into nothingness.

and yet, God calls us to fight against this perversion of the mind that the Devil has sown in our lifes. 'Truly blessed are those that have not seen, and yet believe.' though often there exists no tangible proof of God's presense, He urges us to trust in Him, and His ongoing existance in our world today.

though in our everyday lives it is starkly rare that one comes close into His holiness, God exists through subtle nuances; the beautiful earth that we are so blessed to live in, the love and warmth we experience through our friends and loved ones, the continuing knowledge of mankind that, indeed, there is something more out there beyond the material entities of this world.

all that is good, all that is pure, all that is untainted comes from God. and if one were to open ones eyes, it may be seen that God is everywhere. that God is real, and that His promise of salvation and life everlasting is anything but bogus.

and all that He truly requires of us is...faith.

faith that moves mountains.
faith that parts seas.
faith that challenges the illogical and irrational.
faith that sees beyond the world and its charms.

faith that bridges the impossible gap between God and man.

...is it really that hard just to believe...?

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The sky has lost its colour
The sun has turned to grey
At least that's how it feels to me
Whenever you're away

I crawl up in a corner
as I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you'll be back
You're coming back

I still believe in feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can't take the distance
I can't take the miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
I'm not ashamed
I can't take a breath without saying your name
I can brave a hurricane
And still be standing tall when all the dust clouds settle down

Cause I can't take the distance
I can't take these miles
I can't take the time until I next see you smile
I can't take the distance
And I'm not ashamed
That I can't take a breath without saying your name

I can't take the distance.

The Distance
Evan & Jaron
Evan & Jaron

okayy what im feeling is no where as drama as this. haha. but the idea is there.

its been forever.

Monday, May 12, 2008

FREEDOM BABY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!

yeahh. just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. exams are over. and actually until friday when the results come back i dont really care how they turned out. its just that theyre finally done with!!

...good thing. cus i probably failed a huge portion of them.

went with Joseph JKoh and Taisan to watch What Happened in Vegas on friday. super funny stuff. its probably one of the few movies ive watched in awhile where i walk out thinking its good.

training on saturday =) realised i kinda missed it all. 3 weeks away from the water really takes its toll when you get back. and once again the water in macritchie embraces you with open arms.

...and you...uhh...fall right into them.

had lack of c paddles so we were given these small small dragonboat paddles that were interchangeable with Paul and Alex.

went with Joseph and Barn to watch Ironman after that. turned out a pretty good show too. havent seen one like that since spiderman 1. Ironman 2 comes out 2010.

church on sunday. Grace Vanessa and Yanlin suprised me with a box of 12 donuts. thanks you guys =) for being the first people to remember my birthday and for the great present. eating them was just sinful.

...but sooooo good.

went with Grace and Yanlin to watch What Happened in Vegas again. in the cinema without carpets. wasnt as exciting the second time but still cool.

went to sakae sushi for dinner. ever mentioned in love japanese food. got new weights too. thanks mom =) for giving me so much over the years, as you still do now.

my birthday yesterday.

got shavers from the class and they sang a birthday song. haha. appreciate the joke. thanks guys =)

Sien ill get you waxing paper for your birthday.

got birthday tau-poked. when i look back 20 years from now thisll be one of those memories of the good old days etched in my mind.

not so good when Ben jumped on the pile of writhing bodies with me below.

got a necklace from Joseph after training. thanks man =) really means alot to me. i swear ill keep it safe.

thanks people for all the well-wishes and birthday smses. even though my phones smashed and i cant receive any. really made my birthday this year memorable =)

so heres to you people =)

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring
Love is not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong
Oh, oh

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No, they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed, to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly,
Only fly for freedom
Oh, oh

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't deny it
Can't sell it, or buy it
Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight
And I know it aches
How your heart, it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

Home
Hard to know what it is, if you never had one
Home
I can't say where it is, but I know I'm going
Home
That's where the heart is

And I know it aches
And your heart, it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on
Leave it behind
You got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you feel
All that you can leave behind
All that you reason
It's only time
And I'll never fill up all I find
All that you sense
All that you scheme
All you dress-up
All that you've seen
All you create
All that you wreck
All this you can leave behind

Walk On
U2
All That You Can't Leave Behind

no one speaks words like these. but Bono.

for all my friends.

well sorta. its also up here cus its a cool song. and the lyrics dont exactly match what im saying here. fudge.

but well. you guys have always been there for me. through parts of my life...even when ive been less than normally bearable. yeahhh...especially then. and at times i grow to disregard situations like those and overlook them as simple everyday proceedings of life. but i do appreciate your friendship and company. much more dearly than i usually let most of you know. thank you all for everything youve done for me.

youve showed me to walk on.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

we gotta hold on to what we've got
it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
we got each other, and that's alot
for love, we'll give it a shot

hold on, ready or not
you live for the fight when that's all that you got

whoaaaa, we're ALMOST there
woahh oh, Livin' on a Prayer!!
take my hand, we'll make it, I swear
woahh oh, Livin on a Prayer!!

...just one more day!!

and to you sick people who dont take mother tongue. dang you.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

woahhh, we're halfway there!!!!

physics on monday. kinda screwy. but honestly it wasnt a total disaster. and what i was expecting was a TOTAL distaster.

guess some studying paid off.

stayed back with Joseph and Lawrence to study. snagged room in library. nice cushy places. Joseph taught some bio. learnt some bio. other people taught some cmaths. learnt some cmaths.

ran. met Andrew Tai at chinup bar. before then i never really spoke to him. talk about...exercise.

saw the ultimate frisbee people. went to watch them toss around this red acs frisbee. quite entertaining.

cmaths today. saw the paper, knew i was done for.

did like 11 marks for section a. and like 15 marks for section b. so thats 26/100. wonderful.

looked at the last question and just gave up. seriously the working was so depressing i didnt even bother trying it.

gerfuddit. my cmaths marks this term are gonna be even worse than last terms.

bio was okayy. quite good. some studying paid off, at least.

4.5 today. record time =) but i gotta push it harder.

cant wait until the exams are over.

I took my first step on a black and white kitchen floor
Sometimes wonder if that house is even there anymore
I had my first glimpse of love when I was 5
I watched 2 people split apart; but still the 3 of us survived

I seen the best, I've seen the worst
I wouldn't change what I've been through
I touched the sky, I hit the wall
But I did what I had to

My address changed almost every year
I found that standing still can quickly make a lifetime disappear
I'd rather try and fail, a thousand times denied
At least whenever you feel pain it lets you know that you're alive

I've been a fool, I've been afraid
I've been loved, I've been lied to
I've been wrong, I've been right
I stood up when I had to

On my way here, where I am now
I've learnt to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've falled hard, but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
Faith has conquered fear
On my way here

On my way here, no guarantees
I believe that I would find
An open door, an open light
To lead me to the other side

I guess that is why

On my way here, where I am now
I've learnt to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've falled hard, but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
Where I am now
I've learnt to fly, I have to want to leave the ground
I've falled hard, but I've been loved
And in the end it all works out
Faith has conquered fear
On my way here

On My Way Here
Clay Aiken
On My Way Here

love this song. and Clays voice kinda brings me back to sec1. when i listened to nothing but Clay.

Clay when i was happy, Clay when i was sad. Clay when i felt good, Clay when i felt bad. and i guess deep down i still am a Clay fan.

in tradition with other Clay songs, it isnt written by him. yeahhh. its by the OneRepublic dude and theres a version of him singing it too. but somehow Clay makes it his.

liberty. there, but for 2 more days, go i.

and lo, the hills cry 'freedom!!'
here, there and everywhere
times of terror nearly gone
we're livin' on a prayer!!!

Be thou our vision

and let us not despair, for You are with us

Friday, May 02, 2008

when i bend my right index finger my right middle finger joint hurts.

okayy i blog now cus im bored.

forgot to mention last post. came to school for gym on wednesday morning in pe stuff. after gym, realised i didnt bring my school shirt.

learnt that you actually can get through the day without a school shirt. cus technically they cant book you for that.

spent my labour day gymming. and doing some maths thingy. i dont like maths. and maybe its a really juvenile outlook on what people proclaim to be a quintessential aspect of one's wholistic education...but it seems freaking useless!!

stupid surds. stupid logs. gahh.

first day of exams. i learn its now like a standing joke to ask me anything academic. heh heh. i gotta admit it actually is kinda funny. in a self-derogatory way.

grabbed a few langarts quotes from JTang before the exam. ended up pretty pointless cus i didnt do the passage with them in it.

went to the old LT after the exam to study with .14 people. wrestled. John makes a real noticable 'ha!' sound.

learnt a little of the IHS structure thingy. went for exam. wrote lots of funk.

so in a way i guess the first 2 actual written exams werent that bad. at least i dont feel im done for.

...well not yet anyway.

praise be to God!!

went for some cmaths lesson thingy after school with Joseph. Trevor Chan is super funny. or at least his lessons are with an evil class. hes seriously too nice. like Norman-ish nice except more nice. dang.

2.4 in break.

second half of lesson. actually learnt a few things. like...maths. and also that i need an afternoon nap of around 20 minutes to get through the day. which means its sorta mandatory that i sleep through at least one lesson per day.

ahh well. works for me.

went to the art room to finish my art stuff. Joseph mass coloured my white spaces with light yellow then light green. ehhh...doesnt count as cheating, does it...?

people in the art room are stressed by art. art is super stressing when its a pressing deadline to meet.

lots of people seem to be getting stressed out. and i guess i dont really have much of a right to say anything about it, cus for better or for worse, a vast majority of it being worse, im rarely stressed out.

maybe your troubles manifest themselves in many different forms. maybe as the pressure you face to excel in academia. maybe as a pressing deadline that you have to meet. maybe as a relationship that has gone awry.

but in times of trouble and turbulence, lean not on thy own strength, for the human will alone is insufficient to tide you through your trials.

instead, the Bible teaches us to call on the name of the Lord. for God is there in every circumstance to offer comfort and strength in times of dire need. and no task is too big, that it may be inaccomplishable, nor too small, that He may consider it unworthy, for our God.

in Him, we are strong.
through Him, all things are possible.
on Him, we will rise...on eagle's wings.

Into Your hands
I commit again
With all I am
For You, Lord

You hold my world
In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours
Forever

I'll walk with You
Wherever You go
Through tears and joy
I'll trust in You

And I will live
In all of Your ways
Your promises
Forever

Jesus, I believe in You
Jesus, I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
With all I am

I will worship
I will worship You

Jesus, I believe in You
Jesus, I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
With all I am

With All I Am
Hillsong
For All You've Done

beautiful song. used to hear it alot back in CM. and still once in awhile when i hear it it just brings me back to those days.

times of child-like faith.

hang in there people...just a week to go!!

God will make a way

where there seems to be no way.