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Sunday, March 11, 2007
back from Desaru. it was pretty great actually...apart from Thierry calling someone a faggot every 15 seconds and saying something disturbing every 5 sentences. and JonKoh stealing the blanket and shoving Kenneth and me off the bed. and Siva eating my pizza. and those poor hermit crabs dying before i had a chance to release them. and me not going over that high wall in the obstacle course cus i was the only one wearing jeans.but it was fun. i actually learnt stuff about nature and Desaru. those tour guides must be paid really well...dear daddy picked me up after the bus dropped us off at school today. 10 minutes after i step into the house he shouts. shout shout shout. i wanna grab something really long and sharp and jam it down is damn throat and watch him bleed to death. 'dont make me angry'. damn you, piss yourself off however you care. youre not my dad anymore. you never were. youre just that analretentive nut who seizes every opportune moment to direct my path the way you want it. you want me to grow up to be just like YOU?id DIE before that happens.sometimes i really wonder why i care anyway. i try to care and i try to make things better, but no one else seems to want to. i feel like im the only one who cares. and im sick of that.if you wanna tell me you care, show me you do. if not your words are just plain pointless.There are just too many times that people have tried to look inside of meWondering what I think of you and I protect you out of courtesyToo many times that Ive held on when I needed to push awayAfraid to say what was on my mind Afraid to say what I need to sayToo many things that you've said about me when Im not aroundYou think having the upper hand means you gotta keep putting me downBut Ive had too many standoffs with you its about as much as I can standSo I'm waiting until the upper hand is mineSo many people like me put so much trust in all your liesSo concerned with what you think to just say what we feel insideSo many people like me walk on eggshells all day longAll I know is that all I want is to feel like Im not stepped onThere are so many things you say that make me feel you've crossed the lineWhat goes up will surely fall and Im counting down the timeCause Ive had so many standoffs with you its about as much as I can standSo I'm waiting until the upper hand is mineI know I'll never trust a single thing you sayyou knew your lies would divide us but you lied anywayAnd all your lies have got you floating up above us allbut what goes up has got to fallOne minute you're on topThe next you're not, watch it dropMaking your heart stopJust before you hit the floorOne minute you're on topNext you're not, missed your shotMaking you're heart stopYou think you've wonAnd then its all goneHit The FloorLinkin ParkMeteora'but what goes up has got to fall' im just waiting till the upper hand is mine.welcome home. ive been away so long that ive forgotten how 'wonderful' it is.