wahh. its been so long i kinda forgot how to do this.


hello blog. i havent seen you in 3 months. how have you been.



hello blog my old friend. been too long huh?

but its 2 months since i last saw you...and at the insistence of many i must put something up on you.


so the last time i posted was after the exams...seemed like a whole holiday of fun and slacking planned out before me...but then wham!! its a whole new year and im back in school =(

stupid cycle of life...now all that remains are memories

so first holiday training...i skipped like half of them cus i was overseas or busy or otherwise occupied but i gotta say the ones we did attend pretty productive...doesnt really matter now though cus thanks to unfortunate circumstances this year my seasons probably over before its even started =( but dont worry man if youre thinking its your fault...just rest and well give it another shot the next chance we get if you still want...the C2s always here.

this year finally got to help out in actual vbc. pretty fun staying over in church and taking care of the kids and all...its more of a camp that way. and not so tiring cus dont have to run after most of the kids...just yanlins brother...but he was a fun kid =)

JYC or CYC or whatever it was this year was super fun. i got a group that i hardly knew but over the 4 days made lots of new friends =) and even though camp wasnt as massive an event as it was last year still had a great impact on me and really was lots of fun.

went to KL after that like every year...but somehow this year it came as a better chance to rest...maybe after 15 years theres just something about that place that gives me calm =) discovered a new running route that moves around this huge housing estate under a hill...super nice view...and discovered that gyms dont believe im 18 anymore =( still got in though.

went to penang halfway through that trip...stayed in the 'g' hotel with super nice super cheap rooms...and a lounge and bar called the g spot O.o spent most of the time there eating and using hotels gym...but made a few friends and all in all it was lots of fun too =)

so ya honestly the holidays were a great rest and really good time to relax and take a break. wouldnt have hurt if it were longer though...but with stuff like church camps and parties and stayovers and everything it really made last holiday a memorable 2 months =)

now just gotta go through 10 more!!



i have to say though...even though they were fun and all...holiday were still stuffed full with worries.

and thinking about it thats kinda sad...even when im on break i got stuff to worry about!! but then again lifes never worry-free, is it.


is it...?

i guess everyone has insecure moments once in awhile...or more than that. and hard to believe but honestly no one themselves have the answers. no ones born with that rare uncanny ability to analyse and amend issues the rest of us just seem to struggle with unceasingly.

through the holidays the time let me visit different churches...in singapore kl and even in penang. and yet coincidentially they preached the same message, reassuring me that God would comfort me and make things better...and i honestly have to say that i had trouble believing it. after all, isnt it just the words of a pretty much blind optimist to say that problems fix themselves.

but in camp i was prayed for...and one line changed things.

"He has said that He would give nations for you"


troubles and issues i have may seen far beyond me...and honestly they are. and lots of times these challenges arent concluded it the manner id like. but i guess instead of thinking that thats God not answering my prayers...its God doing so in the way that He sees best...and though it may seem unreasonable and stupid at times...He knows better than any of us, and any trust in Him, no matter how unwise it may logically seem, is never unfounded.

He has a plan for you and me...for each and every one of His children...and as a God that truly would give nations for you, what else would He have in store for you that is any less than the best He could want for you?

all He asks for is faith.

God will make a way
When there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

You hold my every moment
Calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
You heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Healer
Hillsong
This Is Our God

He holds our world in His hands...so what have we to fear that things arent going exactly as He's planned?




oh wow. hello blog...long time no post.



so exams over huh...now that i look back on them seem to have passed really fast. just few weeks ago i was telling myself better start studying and work hard if not its concamp...or get kicked out of ib. or worse.

and suddenly, wham. now its all over and done with.

ahh well...nothing i can do about my grades or anything now, is there. just go for concamp, work hard; by the grace of God maybe this time ill pass and pull through.


and trainings started again...weirdly enough after one month plus...me and Andrew didnt suck, thank God. mr goh drops big big hint too...so looks like its C2 for us huh.

by His grace, may we pull through that too.



so maybe during the exam period, the stress and the pressure gets to me. im pretty sure it got to everyone...maybe others more serious than me, simply because maybe my academics didnt matter so much to me. but under such pressure, i guess the mind reasons with itself that, since its devoting its time an energy to such an ardious task, its only normal that it doesnt overstress our limited human capacity, and therefore proceed to slacken in other demanding aspects of life.

to compensate. and "compensate" i did.

under this pressure maybe i let standards drop for many things. for my training. for the way i acted towards many things, many different people. for myself, and my ideals. for my devotion to God and His covenant.

giving in to vices and compromising what i thought i believed in, only for the sake of simplifying my task of existance, and then questioning that very belief itself, trying to dilute the fact that, in light of my academic demands, i was disregarding far more than i should have even thought of doing. and right now, i cant say that im not ashamed of what ive done.

or what i havent been able to do.



"Simon, do you love me...?"

As he sat next to Him in the glow of the fire that cooked their mid-morning meal, Simon Peter reflected upon Jesus' words. His simple question, that, in the light of the recent events that had shaken the foundation of Jerusalem, Israel and their belief in the Messiah to the core, seemed to hold much greater a weight when Simon thought of his acts during the crucifixion.

"I do not know Him!!"; those words were uttered without barely a thought, the impulse behind them fueled purely by fear, by panic, by selfish desires. Ever since the moment the cock had crowed, Simon had wrestled with his foolish actions, and the consequences that lay in wait. "I...denied Jesus. Denied God and all I've stood for...over the past 4 years in which I've centralized my life around God's work"; the retribution seemed inevitable. Who gets away with lying about an affiliation...with the Almighty Himself? A thousand thoughts must have perturbed his mind since that afternoon on calvary hill...and not a single one entirely related to his reckless actions and how he was now so, so sorry.

And somehow, now, in Jesus' face now Simon saw no trace of that hatred, that anger, that retribution he deserved, but an honest, simple expression...of His love, unwavered since the day he had met Him. And in that, Simon realised the love that Jesus had shown, the love he had been called to show, and the love that his Messiah still continued to show, despite his utmost failure to comply to God's commandments, was not one he could strive for, for by rights no act of relentless faith or selfless worship could hope to atone for his lifetime of ineptitude and sin.

It was a love so great - a love that superceded the boundaries and rights the universe had cast upon man and God, separating them as far as the heavens and the earth. A love that broke the chains of sin...of fear...of guilt that suspended him to his earthly fate. A love that promised a future, given not by rights but by grace.

A love greater than any other.


perhaps never before more than this instant has the weight of the world borne down to heavily upon each and every one of us, as daily we struggle against society and conformity to try to hold on to God's word. and we wonder sometimes...why is it so hard...??



the one thing we need in life, the one thing we should hold close and rely on entirely, is the promise of God that He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forevermore. and in this promise is the reassurance that Christ will come again...and that all our troubles may be lifted from our shoulders. for He who has overcome this earth has more than the power and the desire to overcome whatever challenge, come what may.




"Simon Peter, do you love me?"

And in the presence of that love, Simon realised, was the promise of God unconditional and everlasting. The words flowed from his lips freely this time.

"Yes Lord, I do!!"



Blessed are those who dwell in Your house
They are ever praising You
Blessed are those whose strength is in You
Whose hearts are set on our God

We will go from strength to strength
Till me see You face to face

Hear our prayer
Oh Lord God almighty
Come bless our land
As we seek You, worship You

For You are holy
For You are holy
For You are holy, Lord

Hear our prayer
Oh Lord God almighty
Come bless our land
As we seek You, worship You

Blessed
Hillsong
Blessed

we seek You, we will worship You, come what may.

Yes Lord, i do!!

...and from here, you can almost see the light. or is that that oncoming train...?

term 4 week 1. just 2 and a half weeks until finals. and maybe only now its beginning to bear down on me. the fact that despite all ive done in the holidays, there just simply isnt enough time to catch up on everything i told myself id 'do later, cus theres all the time i need and more'. not that ive done much in the holidays besides go for training and play pokemon.

and i gotta stop playing pokemon. its making me antisocial. i cant believe i spent a week at home not talking to people and not even going out to buy dinner just so i could play that stupid game. what have i become.



so maybe it hasnt borne down on me completely either.

pretty fascinating how the closer the finals get, the less productive i seem to become.



they only get closer, and the work only seems to get harder. pretty daunting a task huh.



and yet somehow even though half of me, probably the more rational side, tells myself that its now or never that i pull myself together, smack myself awake and really start working...theres also the other half that feels like just dropping it and letting things go their course. not that i can change them now can i.


...can i...?



























september holidays. i really have abandoned this blog. monthly posts are the only thing keeping this thing alive.

maybe blogging would be much more fun if you could just think a thought and have it written down on here.

then again...that would be real dangerous wouldnt it O.o



nahh...for you. you request then only i blog...if not too lazy.

thanks for being my funky non-wussy friend. make me feel so wussy in contrast -.-

and we acs boys not wussy okayy!! just...sensitive!!



so the one week break kinda signifies only the impending doom that is the finals. which are freaking 4 weeks away.

and lets see...what have i got left to cover...?

art - the entire piece
bio - almost everything
physics- almost everything
history - everything
cmath - almost everything
ihs - everything
langarts - everything
chinese - everything

wahh. future looks pretty bleak huh.

still...i got another month. and if i mug like crazy at the end of the day i might just pull through.

...or fail miserably. but lets not look at that yet shall we.

plus training will stop after this saturday. and while im no huge fan of waking up at 6.30 on a saturday morning to row around a reservoir...or swim around it...its pretty bad timing since me and andrew have just found our strokes and balance.

fudge. when i go back in october i might just forget it all!! O.o

ahh well. no one said this studying thing was easy right. let alone this ib thing. and for the next month its do or die.

wahhh. so scary.



its been almost a week since nong left. and i was gonna post about his departure last week but well...once i got here i just didnt feel like doing it.

so yahhh. ponned school on wednesday to go see Nong off with Ben Ryan and Yap. got to T3 at like 8. sat around in a lounge. went to eat macs. and before we knew it it was time for him to go =(

i guess it never really is easy to say goodbye. there was alot we had to say Nong...but maybe not all of it we could manage at the spur of the moment. and maybe not all of it we can bring ourselves to say. but youre our friend man. and all in all, its not gonna be easy with you away.
still, youve been given an awesome chance to go overseas and sorta restart your academic career. and God knows...i could use that chance too. heh heh. told you your cupboard seemed tempting.

in faith, all we can do now is wait for your return. and we pray that God watch over you...and that in everything you do and every situation you meet he may be there to guide you and keep you safe.

Emmanuel, He is God with us. and we pray that He truly be with you. and that in your times of need you shouldnt hesitate to turn to Him, for His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses...and no problem be too insignificant or to overwheling for Him to handle.
the Lord bless you and keep you, as we wait for your return. come back soon man =) then we can have our funky stayovers again!!

to you man. well at least the chorus...the rest of it kinda doesnt make sense for the situation at hand.

but Dream Theater so cool...how can not post their songs!!

There's a story in your eyes
I can see the hurt behind your smile
For every sign I recognize
Another one escapes me

Let me know what plagues your mind
Let me be the one to know you best
Be the one to hold you up
When you feel like you're sinking

Tell me once again
What's beneath the pain you're feeling?
Don't abandon me
Or think you can't be saved

Summon up your ghosts from me
Rest your tired thoughts upon my hands
Step inside this sacred place
When all your dreams seem broken

Resonate inside this temple
Let me be the one who understands
Be the one to carry you
When you can walk no further

Tell me once again
What's below the surface bleeding
If you've lost your way
I will take you in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far
Through all the may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Oh, when everything is wrong
Oh, when hopelessness surrounds you
Oh, the sun will rise again
The tide you swim against
Will carry you back home, so don't give up
Don't give in

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far
Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

I Walk Beside You
Dream Theater
Octavarium

love that key change. pretty dramatic.

haha..this is pretty ironic...but Nong, YOULL NEVER WALK ALONE.


leaving on a jetplane
dont know when ill be back again





i never thought id really land myself in so much trouble.

i guess what they say is right. if you live life with no consequences it doesnt show at first...but once it piles up and comes crashing down on you youre left with no room to breathe. no space to move.

the repercussions of my actions really have caught up to me. and i guess there isnt really much i cant do to reverse them.

there really isnt anything i can do at all at this point. except work hard to change it for the better.



i was given a chance at the start of this year for a life in difference. a chance to make something out of my future and do well. to succeed. to seize the day and plot a course for myself in the future. and to whoever else it may concern. people told me that it was a great chance...and that, having it despite the seemingly impossible circumstances, i should treasure it.

i never was a good listener.

in the beginning pushing aside every little issue felt like a sure-fire way to keep my mind unoccupied. sure, i could always deal with it later. a little bit here, a little bit there; it wasnt gonna affect me much.

and somewhere along that line it set in.

i didnt actually ever get round to completing those tasks id set before me. so much left undone, so much more to come. and those just piled up too. and maybe i go used to it...maybe my mind just blanked it out. i countered my conscience with those issues with others. other achievements in other fields that i could use to validate my worthfulness, my effort in a matter which carried some weight.

assignment after assignment, even those that really counted, i just disregarded. there was always next time that id do better...always next time that id try harder.

always next time that id feel purposeful.


and now i feel anything but that.

"do your best and God will do the rest"

i always counted on that. that no matter how screwed up the situation, God would eventually come in and make things better. that Hed give me that extra push to help me do well...and excel. and Hed be there to assure me that i shouldnt ever give up...cus things would always work out in the end. and definitely, Hes there to do that and so much more.

...but i never really gave my best, did i?


ive let my parents down. myself down...although i probably willingly let that happen.

and ive let God down.


well...theres nothing more i can do left than work hard now, right? and pray that after my year end results are taken in consideration, that ill clear next year. because i dont have another option than to give it all i got now.

and if i dont clear...this is gonna be a huge learning experience for me.



and to seek His forgiveness. and blessing once more. for these next 2 months...things are gonna have to change.


I am falling to my knees
I need You, Lord, to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is crying out Your name



HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!!


im so nice. remembering the birthday which i just found out about today.


dude yeahhh its your birthday. smile =)

i guess pressure does pile up. and goodness knows youve probably experienced more of it than most people. like...Nong...Ben...and me. and i know saying dont worry doesnt do anything to eradicate your worries...cus contrary to what people believe i believe...problems dont just disappear if you dont make an issue out of them.

and in times like these...i guess its only stereotypical that one is called to put his faith in God; a trust/faith-issue way easier said than done.

God is omnipresent. and yet at times our lives seem so choked up with other issues that His grace seems clouded. at times his presence seems so farfrom us. and we look to Him and wonder at times...why He doesnt just take us away from our struggles and hardships, and allow us to lead an unperturbed life of worship and service to Him.

maybe...thats cus hes not there to do that.

over bountiful chapels and sermons, a consistent message is preached that God is our saviour, our redeemer, our single hope in this world of chaos. and irrefutably, He is all that and more. and yet being Christian and trusting in Him by no means buys us an all-encompassing get-out-of-jail-free card for every undesirable occurance life throws our way. God is there not to simply offer His immediate assistance in whatever issue we have to face...for if He did where would we draw our life lessons from. where would we learn to pull ourselves from the rubble.

God is there not to push us forward unconditionally, but to reach out His hand...and beckon us to take it in faith. faith not that everything will become peachy at once, but that in Him, we will find greater strength to face the challenges we find so indominable, so unconquerable, so indiminishable by ourselves.

God is there to be our hope.

alone there is so much in life that threatens to bury us deep under issue after insustainable issue. but in God, there is that renewed vigour that pushes us forward regardless of however impossible the task ahead may seem.


for when God is with you, who can be against you...?


Your grace is enough
More than I need
At Your word I will believe
I wait for You
Draw near again
Let Your Spirit make me new

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of Your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By Your Spirit, I am free

And I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

This Is Our God
Hillsong
This Is Our God


turn your eyes upon Jesus. nothing is too vast for Him to overcome.

my blog
since september '06 =)
livin on a prayer!

marcus.
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